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Robert "Oliver Cromwell" Donald is a knighted British newspaper editor born in 1860. He is well-known on Purity for being the server's foremost Nazi sympathiser, and for founding his own faction, The Puritans.

Disgust and Distrust

Robert's beginning on the server can aptly be described as him experiencing his own personal hell. A renowned misanthrope and xenophobe, upon logging into the server for the first time he found only what he would describe as sickness everywhere in sight. Perverts, trans people, non-whites, children... these were only a selection of the horrors that Robert was forced to endure. Yet, through it all, a faint glimmer of hope arose from the ashes. Not long after Robert began his gallant quest, he met with another player known as griefyoudotEXE who shared his values of race-based hatred, and created a small starter base (made of cobble stairs and nothing else, at grief's insistence).

Robert and grief stayed together for some time, building cobble stair mansions and teaching each other new ways to be racist- however, this short-time friendship was doomed to fail. Where grief's values lay in fighting the man and spreading a perversion of order, Robert's pranced towards a grander stage, one on which his own efforts would allow him to rise above all others, and seize control of this blocky world. Robert placed a single block of diamond within grief's cobble stronghold, and immediately grief banned him from their two-person discord server and killed him in game, thus ending their friendship for good.

Unrequited Love

Robert spent several months solo-basing in an oversized mansion that he called "Robert", after his own name, Robert. He spent his time here like any good gentleman; Drinking tea, reading and writing, and hiring grey slaves to 'trim his hedges' (replace the leaf blocks surrounding his house for seemingly no reason) and wear skins that he picked out for them (typically half-naked African-American men). However, there is only so much a 160-year-old man can do on his own in Minecraft before boredom strikes. Robert decided to head out from his mansion, into the unknown world, and begin his conquest of the realm.

After several days of travelling and expressing his reasonable and logical views on women in the chat, Robert had noticed that many of his arguments were against the same player; ElaborateJade. Over time, Robert developed feelings for her. He was not sure why- he considered trans women to be an absolute perversion of nature and, in his own words, very likely to develop AIDS, but Robert determined that for love, any risk was worth taking, including sexually transmitted risks. Out of the blue Robert confessed his love for Jade via in-game DM, causing every mod who noticed to seethe with jealousy. Jade, however, determined that she could not allow Robert to court her so easily- hers was a love that was meant to be earned. Putting on his best suit of chainmail armour (kept unenchanted for larping purposes), Robert valiantly accepted Jade's challenge.

The 12 Trials of Jade: An Elaborate Journey

Robert was given 12 Tasks to complete in order to win Jade's heart. These were, in order:

  1. Win the 2020 summer spleef tournament in purity events - Completed by Robert on his alt, MiningBoomBoy
  2. Start a large, successful faction - Completed by Robert upon starting The Puritans (consisting of 20 members, all of which are his alts, including Jake7625)
  3. Get a notable player banned - Completed by Robert by convincing EPIC_THATS_ME to leak the world seed in exchange for nudes
  4. Destroy a faction - Completed by Robert upon griefing The Crusaders bases, by utilising all of his remaining unused alts to form a faction known as 'GLM'
  5. Perform a heist - Completed by Robert by stealing several beacons from a party hosted by EmeraldJaguar (It definitely was not EJ btw)
  6. Travel from corner to corner on the world map on foot - Completed by Robert by using bots with speedhacks (He was not caught due to his intense charisma convincing the mods that it was merely a swiftness potion)
  7. Collect every mod head - Completed by Robert upon obtaining his final head, that of ercercerc, notably hard to obtain due to it's shiny baldness preventing direct eye contact
  8. Win a fist fight with the bulkiest boy on the server, GrandmaPepe - Completed by Robert with his superior punching technique, passed down his family for generations, 'The Paki Pulveriser'
  9. Successfully woo the most spiteful player, griefyoudotEXE - Already completed by Robert before the challenge was issued
  10. Stand within 30m of Frazzle53 for 1 full minute without vomiting - Completed by Robert, though he claims this was the toughest obstacle he had to endure throughout the entire ordeal
  11. Obtain the Dragon Egg - Completed by Robert by getting Rag to dox himself, tracking him down, breaking into his house and transferring the egg on Rag's own computer
  12. Prove that a prominent group, Legion (that Jade herself is a part of), are all hackers - Not yet completed by Robert

Current Standings

Robert is desperately trying to prove that Legion are a bunch of no-good hackers, as for Jade he would do anything. It has been hinted at that Jade returns his feelings - when questioned on her feelings towards him, she can be quoted saying "he's very.......... unique". He currently bases with the rest of The Puritans, talking to himself on 5 computers at once to pretend that he has friends. Though Robert's conquest is still developing, it stands as on of the greatest stories of triumph ever told on the server, and will surely ascend to even more majestic heights as it progresses.

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